Monday, January 24, 2011

Still hanging there....

It is already 12am on a Monday morning, I have to be at work in a few hours but I do not feel sleepy at all. I guess it was all my fault for sleeping for 2 hours in the afternoon. I am just not use to napping anymore.

I stared on the blogger post entry screen for over 10 minutes, I had no idea where to start writing. I have so much to write about but I have no idea where to start, how should I begin, how should I word my feelings ...

Have you ever feel that you no longer have your mind with you? When you are walking, all you feel is your feet and your body, you dont have a single thing on your mind, your body is on auto pilot.

Or when you are alone, sitting in front of the tv, your body isn't moving but your mind is going at 200 miles per hour. Thinking every possible thing that a man can possibly think under the sun?

The past 5 weeks had been a nightmare, I think I got to the lowest point in my life that sometimes I have no idea what to do. I understand that I have to pick myself up and move on, but how? What can I do?

Friends and family been telling me "you have to be strong" "you have to forget and dont think about it anymore" "you have to move on" "you have to do something to occupy yourself" "you have to eat" "you have to go out more".....

How come nobody tell me "You DONT HAVE to do anything; you have absolutely every right to grief as long as you need to". I simply find it hard to follow any of the above suggestions, i am finding it hard to forget, to move on, to be strong, to eat, to get a 2nd job to occupy myself.. why can't I just do whatever I want? Why is it so wrong to just grief and cry and be angry?

No comments: