One of Wei's cats passed away few days ago, she was very sad and part of the reason coz she thought she didnt take care of her very well in the past. Due to some reasons, she didn't like the cat very much, neither do I seriously, simply because I am not a cat lover.
What I want to say to Wei is, we are normal human beings (凡人） and we have feeling; happy, sad, disappointed, angry, miserable, etc. We are only ordinary human beings, we tend to dislike thing that bring us bad memory or things that will inflict our frustration.. You had your reason to dislike Muffin ...
Very often, I have to tell myself to be 'reasonable'. Even if i am very very angry over something, I have to tell myself to calm down and do the 'right' thing instead of expressing my anger and frustration. Because we are only 凡人, there are alot of thigns are beyond our control, what we can do is only keep reminding ourselves 'do the right things'.
But I think you did well because you never did leave her behind, left her unfed nor unsheltered. If she thought that she was treated badly, she wouldnt even go back to your house. She is a cat but she had feelings and senses too.
I believe in destiny and fate, if Muffin was fated to have such journey then she would have it. Just like what I always tell my 'ex' best friend, we can choose the lifestyle we want, but we can never change our fate. She's fated to be born in such family and have such responsibilities, yes she could change by leaving all that behind but if she does, then it is no longer "her" because her personality is what made her today.
Human beings..we tend to only regret when we loose it; I regretted thatI didnt take care of my two dogs very well before they were taken/sent away. One was killed by the authority another one ran away from its owner's place and didnt come back; I regretted that my previous relationship was a failure, I should have handled that better at the very beginning; and alot more.
My point is sometimes we will make severe mistake that is inreversible, we can grieve, cry but we have to move on, what important is we learn.... I made mistakes that still haunt me in the night, dreaming about them and waking up in the middle of the night. I can't get rid of them thoguh they are in my past but I have learned to accept them and thinking about them remind me not to repeat the same mistakes.
I hope you understand my point here. I have told others to leave you alone for a few days, knowing that you didn't want to be disturbed. Call me when you feel like going out, lets have coffee or even alcohol... your call.